Toxic relationships and the Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction has been taught, and in most cases is being taught, in such a way that it appears to have no connection points to general psychology – and general psychology terminology has become part of our language usage ever since therapy showed its face on our horizons.

It feels to a lot of folks that the Law of Attraction exists in a world of its own, a total break away from any other field that attempts to interpret human behaviour.

In fact, this is not true. The Law of Attraction simply describes the way the universe (we) bind incidents together, that which we use to construct our lives and the stories of our lives – it is a Law of Cause and Effect. It is compatible with any other rationale, can be integrated in any other way of thinking, is part of and the background of all that we are and do and have. And the ability to integrate the best of what we have believed with our knowledge of the LOA, makes us the complete beings we are.

Take the concept of Toxic Relationships. It has become apparent to me that in many cases, subscribing to what the LOA teaches has put blinkers on us, sometimes makes it hard if not impossible for us to realize that there are still belief systems in which we function, and that, just like steering clear of negative stuff in our lives, steering clear of toxic relationships and understanding why we attract those in our lives can be part of our picture, our growth, our unfolding and the learning of the lessons we need to learn in order to use those relationships to steer us clear of who we are not and towards who we are.

We choose our parents. Ouch. We know before this lifetime what we are coming to do during this one – we set up the scenarios and people and events that unfold before us like a play – and such it is, a play, our play, leading us to who we can be. And through the choosing of our parents, we also choose parents who do not teach us how to recognize bad relationships, who do not teach us how to keep ourselves safe, emotionally and otherwise. (And of course there is no real danger anywhere, ever.) And then their teachings (skewed as they are – resulting in adults who are naïve, trusting, unable to recognize red lights in other people, in relationships) and the way we emerge from them attract teachers who enforce these beliefs we hold, and on and on – the Law of Attraction in action.

And then one day we arrive at a place where all the stage lights go on – almost all at once – and we find a term which speaks to us, which illuminates the difficulties we are having in our lives – like Toxic Relationships – and the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. And we understand that those teachers who did not equip us with the knowledge to be able to navigate the seas of our life, who protected and coddled us and at the same time abused and crossed our boundaries – we were not even taught healthy boundaries – are our most important teachers because that is NOT WHO WE WANT TO BE – NOT who we are – and against the backdrop of that we suddenly understand what we came here to teach.

I am grateful to my parents, to every unbalanced unhappy relationship I have ever had, and I raise my glass to the fact that I have my headlights on now – that I can recognize healthy from unhealthy, and that I know I attract more of the good stuff, at last.

© Nina Ferrell 2009

Relationships and obligations

I am learning, as I grow, about our human relationships and why we enter into them… and of course I very quickly come across our need for reassurance, our need to know that it will last, our need to make it last.

I am learning about love. Not the “luv” we grew up with, but relationships as true instruments of healing, as true and honest reflections of who we really are, not the stagnant ponds in which we try desperately to see our reflections…

I am trying to grow beyond the need for reassurance, the need to know that I am loved to that place where love flows freely like water.

And of course I attract to me people and information to broaden my vision, and I want to share some thoughts with you today.

And the words of Walsch come to mind (from his “Conversations with God, No. 1″.):

“Relationship – your relationship with all things – was created as your perfect tool in the work of your soul. That is why all human relationships are sacred ground. It is why every personal relationship is holy.
. . . . Never do anything in relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are.”

I can hear that – yet over and over in my relationships I have given up when the going gets tough. The result is that I’ve had a string of relationships where I thought, as a kid, that I’d have only one. I don’t seem to know what it’s like to hold onto a relationship. Do you think it will ever happen? What do I have to do to make it happen?

“You make it sound as if holding onto a relationship means it’s been a success. Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in relationship, it’s to decide, and experience, Who You Really Are.”

And so we are all learning Who We Really Are – moving gently towards Ourselves, seeing Ourselves in the mirror of those who love us. And guarantees make me think of no growth, as we try to fix ourselves at a certain moment in time, to make sure that it lasts. If we can move towards focusing inwards, towards understanding that all change comes from inside us, and then take our focus off those who we expect to make us happy – what freedom we give them, to be who They Are, to do their own growing.

Nina Ferrell
Law of Attraction Expert, Intuitive Guide

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Your changing nature – Bob Garrity

The other day we had some take out from our favorite local Chinese restaurant. My fortune cookie had the intriguing fortune – “A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can’t”. I got a chuckle and realized there is a lot of truth in that. It also reminded me of the fact that often, if you are on the path of growth and self awareness, your changing nature may pose a challenge to those who know you best.

Everyone forms an image of others around them. It is built, over time, of shared experiences and shared stories. Our natural tendency is to retain that image and to re-enforce that image of the person we know. The more we know them the stronger this tendency can be. There is comfort to our ego process with “familiar faces”.

This can clearly be seen in the process between parents and children. At some point the child has to become an adult, however in the parent’s mind they are still their child. A necessary split has to happen for the child to go out on their own. This dynamic can also be true with others we know and love.

That is why often, in ancient days, when a student approached a Sufi Master and asked to become their pupil one of the first things the Sufi Master would do is to command the new student to move to a new town and to take up a new line of work. The Master knew that the forces of family and friends would be too strong to allow the new student to grow and to start on the path to awareness. Even keeping the same line of work could put them in a familiar routine – the idea was to start the teaching with a clean slate.

Of course in our day and age this is not practical nor even desirable. It thus becomes very important for those who wish to grow and evolve to surround themselves as much as possible with like minded individuals. If those who know you the most and love you the best are also on a path of self discovery then it will be much easier for them to give you the space to grow and to accept you as you do so. Then when you interact with others who may still see you in an old and limited way you can just smile and think of the fortune cookie and take great pleasure in doing what they think you can’t.

http://www.godforgrownups.com/your-changing-nature/

Courtesy of: Nina Ferrell
Law of Attraction Expert, Intuitive Guide

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