In regard to the recent earthquake in Haiti and the chaos that is unfolding in our world I asked this question of The Family of Light.
What are we to do in such a time as this?

Here is their response:
You are to hone your skills as a being of light whereby you live within the state of knowing that surrounds your mental field. You must move beyond the mind and the limitations of the mental realm and open to the higher states of being where wisdom is always available to you in each new moment.
Do not despair as these times unfold. For you have been preparing for times such as these for a millennia. Do not lose your trust and faith in the Divine Plan just as it is coming to fruition. Trust and surrender we ask of you. Your higher self knows what you at times do not. Trust that all is in alignment and all the events which play out before you now are for the good of all. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in the dramas of the 3D world. You know from your innermost being that the dismantling of the old provides the path for the creation of the new. Your people as a collective have yearned for the changes that are now upon you. All have made their choices in the higher realms and will take up their rightful places as circumstances continue to unfold.
Become the detached observer as drama ensues on your planet. Know that all is necessary, all has been contracted, and all choices have been made from the level of soul. Those who have chosen to leave the planet at this time whether through dramatic circumstance or slipping into the realms of death do so from a place of choice. So do not get caught up in modes of sympathy, sadness or angst as events unfold. Stand firm in your knowing and bless those souls for their assistance and part in the transformation of these times.
The planet herself is shifting and releasing and we are aiding her in this in ways that will cause the least chaos to the masses. But know that her birthing is upon her and cannot be stopped until the birth of the new planetary being is complete. Those of you who would accompany her into the new realms are those who have been preparing for this by attending to their own emotional clearing and release. What is accomplished on the planetary or collective levels must first be accomplished on the personal level. As you clear yourselves of karma, disease, limitation and emotional blockages you help pave the way for such cleansing and healing on the collective level.
Know that all is well. Take time to dwell in the inner sanctum of your heartspace and there find the comfort, assuredness and wisdom that you need to keep you centered, grounded and sure in these coming times. Your light, your love and your wisdom will be greatly needed as those around you are shaken into awakening and begin to ask the questions that you have been asking for a long time. You can aid these ones from a place of strength having weathered your own inner storms and upheaval. You are prepared. You have all the assistance you will ever need. Do not fear. Do not be in despair. Do not remain in the sadness, but rejoice because the first rays of the new dawn appear before you shedding light on the wonders that are to come. We are ever with you. We love and rejoice with you. Our hearts are full as we witness your courage, your conviction and the deep love you have for the Creator as you have volunteered to be here for this moment in time!
You have our love. Call on us. We are here for you!!\

Our intimate relationships are gifts. They bring light to us, reflecting our own magic presence back to us and we fall in love with ourselves over and over again.

Relationships are mirrors, nothing less and nothing more. We attract those who are able to reflect our imperfections back to us, those imperfections that need to be healed and embraced so that we can move further away from separation thinking, further and further towards oneness. And when the mirror sends back to us an image of loss, abandonment, pain, exactly that which we need to heal in ourselves, we back away in horror and we discard the mirror. And often we buy another mirror right away, seeking the beautiful image of ourself over and over, never able to integrate the pain, the abandonment issues, continue which will, inevitably, be reflected back to us from every new mirror, eventually. And every time we acquire a new mirror, we miss the opportunity to heal.

How do we find the courage to go on?

We find the courage by understanding that honesty is what it is all about. But we also need to understand here that the ego disguises honesty as an attack, very often, in order to protect itself. Blunt honesty, “telling it like it is”, is very often nothing more than an attempt to gain space, to hide, to step away from the inevitable mirroring of that which needs healing, yet again.

Honesty, true honesty, the ability to talk to our partners with the intention of assisting healing for them, is about healing ourselves. About understanding that no relationship should ever be left unhealed, because when we remain unhealed, we will encounter the same challenges again and again and again. The fear of hurting others often keep people trapped in relationships for lifetimes – know that fear of hurting our partners by being honest in love and kindness allows our pain to continue unhealed, disregarding the reason why we are in the relationship, and allowing the relationship to become a prison in which we become more and more disempowered.

We need to heal every relationship before we can leave it, because the healing is ultimately about ourselves.

Be gentle with your partner. Understand that their pain is their healing, and that yours is yours. Have the courage to stand back, to give them time to heal, and recognize that your pain is yours to deal with. There is a lot of talk of sharing in relationships, but I think that that is about sharing the good stuff. When pain and conflict arises, it is necessary that your partner knows that you are there, that you love them, but that you cannot go into that dark place with them. And when they eventually surface and are able to be open again, you will simply be waiting with open arms.

© Nina Ferrell 2009

“In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then – as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation – we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals – exactly the ones who will “push our buttons.”
This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most – were the most familiar – hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people .
Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds.”
“I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love. I could not trust my own emotions because I was incapable of being honest with myself emotionally – which made me incapable of Truly being honest on any level.”

Codependency is an incredibly insidious, treacherous dis-ease. It is a compulsively reactive condition in which our ego programming from childhood dictates how we live our lives today. As long as we are not in recovery from our codependency, we are powerless to make clear choices in discerning rather someone we are attracted to is a available for a healthy relationship – we are in fact, doomed to keep repeating patterns.
Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional vibrational level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other words, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love – our parents.
No matter how much we are making an effort on a conscious level to not pick anyone like our parents, energetically we feel a strong attraction to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our first experience of love. It was very important for me to get aware of the reality that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate, I had better watch out. Those are exactly the people who will fit my patterns – recreate my wounding.
It was very important for me to recognize the power of this type of attraction. And also to realize, tht on a Spiritual level, these people were teachers who were in my life to help me get in touch with my childhood wounds. It was vital for me to start being aware that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate it did not mean we were going to live happily ever after. What it meant was that I was being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth.
Becoming conscious of these emotional energetic dynamics was a very important part of owning my power. My power to make choices, to accept consequences, to take responsibility for my choices and consequences – and to not buy into the belief that I was being victimized by the other person, or my own defectiveness.
Recognizing unavailability in the other person does not mean that I have to let go of the relationship – at least not immediately, it could be something I will decide to do eventually.
What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. As long as we are focusing on the other person and buying into the illusion that if we just: work a little harder; lose some more weight; make some more money; do and/or say the right things; whatever; that person will change and be everything we want them to be.
Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms – effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.
The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth – or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome.
We need to own our own worth – our own “Prince or Princess” ness – before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth.
It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self – on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.

http://joy2meu.com/letting_go.html

Postscript from Nina:

We need to use that which comes up to heal – no longer shutting out what we feel, which is what has been keeping us from healing, but having the courage to embrace the pain, move through it, and heal.

Love, intimate personal love, brings to the surface all that from which we have been running, every single thing we have been keeping in the closets of our heart.

We have the choice, every time, to keep on running, to hide and turn our backs on these gifts, mistaking their wrapping for their contents, or to turn back and embrace our open wounds. We can choose to use these times of healing as the ground work for the steps to our greater selves, to greater understanding and compassion, and to our Christ nature.
We make the error of seeing our partners as the be all and end all since they bring with them such a radiant reflection of our most beautiful facets – yet they are but an extension of our Selves, bringers of great tidings, the tidings that love is all there is, and ever will be.

We can choose to see any sign of upheaval in our relationship as another chance to heal, or we can choose to focus on it as a negative occurrence, from which we must run.

It must be said here of course that there truly are relationships that cannot be changed, and at times like these we may need to consider the possibility that the lesson has been learned, and that we need to release the teacher.

Our obsession with stability and our need for constant reassurance comes from a place of lack, from a place of fear, and this is the reason why we tend to water a tree long after it has stopped bearing any fruit. If we are able to remember, once again, that we create our reality and our abundance, that we create our relationships as vehicles towards our expansion, we will be able to let go.

© Nina Ferrell 2009

Our function is to transform our relationships, not to fix them. We work only on ourselves, not the other person. When we are willing to play our relationship games by new rules, then they will be transformed. The new rules begin with, “what happened yesterday is irrelevant.” If we insist that we know how a person will behave tomorrow because we know how they behaved yesterday, we are insisting that our reality not change. The reason that people have to die and be reborn is because they refuse to change how they see other people. We are not looking at another person when we look at our partner. We are looking in a mirror. When we change our mind we change our relationships. There are no victims, there are no abusers, there are only mirrors.

When we refuse to repeat old patterns, when we refuse to attack or defend, when we would rather be happy than right, then other people change. Our relationships transform. If we have been true to our understanding of these principles of self creation, then we will not have to make an ego based decision to continue a relationship or dissolve it. That will take care of itself. The relationship will transform or disappear. The universe always moves us right along to the next experience when we have learned what the last one had to teach. Some folks are actually afraid to attempt a healing of their primary relationship because they think that if it were healed then they wouldn’t have an excuse to get out of it. They need someone to blame for the relationship breaking up. In fact, before incarnating, we make agreements with many individuals to resolve old karmic hang ups, or simply to learn more about self empowerment through our relationship with them. We may have a strong intuitive insight that this is not the person we contracted with to be a life-long partner. But we don’t need the excuse of a bad relationship in order to move on to our next assignment. We have an imperative to heal every relationship. Remember the illusion!

It is not someone else I am healing. It is not a relationship that I am healing. It is me I am healing! If I leave any of my relationships unhealed when I exit this lifetime, I will probably choose to come back and be in relationship with those same people again. Ouch. I heal others and my relationships not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.It may not be possible to heal past relationships face to face. It makes no difference if an old relationship partner is dead or living in another part of the world. Having the person to “talk it out with” may be the best way sometimes, but it is not the only way. The healing is for yourself anyway. Relationship healing can be done very expediently while sitting in your meditation chair all alone. Use mental imagery to “talk” to the other person. Ask forgiveness. Offer understanding. Remember that all anger which you may remember from days gone by was only a call for love.